I’m a minnow…I’m not a shark. I was raised to be polite and I was raised to be kind; I was raised to be non-confrontational; I was raised to be a minnow. I have a tendency to think things are always my fault. I worry way too much and I have problems with authority or anyone that has a stronger presence; To an extent, I’m scared of them…I respect these people immensely, but I tend to be more of a softie if someone has a strong opinion or has a powerful presence or is a more dynamic, in-your-face personality. I have finally come to understand this about myself. I can’t apologize for being this way anymore, its just who I am. Maybe I shouldn’t speak up for things I believe in because I’m a minnow, but I also know that I want to try. I want to help. I don’t have family very close by so I try to get involved with things and I don’t have a large family. I don’t want credit, I don’t want sympathy, and I don’t want recognition for anything I try to help with, but I also won’t lie though and say that getting a pat on the back is not a nice feeling.
I care about relationships that I form; I want to be friends with everyone; I do want to be liked by people. Why do I want to be liked so much? Because I put value in friendships and relationships. Not everyone has always liked me and not everyone will and I can accept that. Maybe its a romantic notion that you can get along with everyone. Its what Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Teresa, Gandhi and many others hoped for. The world is so hard and harsh these days that I still find myself hoping for the simple, logical way of life and the hope that everyone will get along. I would do anything I can to help my friends and I will walk through fire for Travis and my girls. I’m going to make mistakes and I try to apologize when I make them and own up to them. And even learn from them. I want to always be honest though and I have learned this about myself the past few weeks: I care; I want to be liked; and I don’t have a tough exterior. I’m a minnow.
When I was a teacher, I would come home crying so many times I can’t even count them now, I cried in front of my students and I cried with them. I taught at-risk 7th and 8th graders and I ended up loving it and they are the only kids I would want to teach today, but I had to learn that even though my students were tough and dangerous and were way bigger than me, I had to find the balance within myself to still be who I am. Clearly, me being tough was not going to work, I don’t have the tough look and the students saw right through me. There was a certain amount of respect we both gained though. My students and I had a wonderful year after Christmas and my students are doing good these days, some still have incredibly hard lives, some are still lost in this world, and some have changed their lives in very positive ways.
Sometimes a minnow can fit in a shark tank, but you have to learn when to back off before you get eaten and lose the respect of the other fish. The minnow has to hang back sometimes even if they don’t want too, but the minnow is still a valuable fish. The minnow has a role to play and a reason for being. I will always be the minnow, but I’ll always admire and love the sharks too.
Arwen is experiencing the terrible twos. Not comparing the two because that is not fair, but Anya was definitely calmer than Arwen. This feels like new territory for me so I’m trying to figure out how to navigate these waters. Its very trying. Arwen loves to go places, but doesn’t always want to get in the car. Arwen loves to play, but with everything that is not a toy. Arwen loves the water, so much that she will move a dining room chair into the kitchen to play in the sink water! She has also learned to change dvds in the two dvd players we have in the house and manages to get fingerprints all over them. I’ve sorted her dvds into a separate spindle file thing for her, but she still manages to get them everywhere. I pick up the house 15 times a day at least. She loves to be near me, but is the most independent little booger I’ve ever seen. Mommy is starting to go a little batty with all this and its no wonder my energy level is depleted by the time Travis gets home. The weather has been nice the past few days and we are getting outside some to enjoy it. I don’t want to complain because Arwen is a great joy in my life, she’s so tiny and so smart and just a total ham most of the time, but with all that comes the parts that I’m just trying to figure out as well. I wish I had a little more patience to withstand the tantrums and I’m seriously considering doing a cleanse diet to rid my body of these toxins and get on a better, healthier eating plan to help all of us be healthier. Please don’t read these as complaints or frustrations, just a Mommy who needed to take ten seconds and breathe and type out the incredible challenging, yet rewarding life of a Mom.
Anya started playing basketball with the Upward program here in town and she loves it. We all got sick this past week though so she missed the second game, but we hope to be well and back playing by this Saturday’s game. Its really neat how they play too. They play 6 periods, 6 minutes each period, on half court with 8ft goal. She hasn’t made a goal yet during a game and she isn’t very good at dribbling yet, but she has made goals in practice and is having a great time with the other girls and the Upward program is really nicely done. They have a devotion time during practice and no score is kept during the games. At the end of each game they get stickers for good sportsmanship and good effort and good teamwork.
I’ve been really impressed with the program and so has Travis. Arwen and I are about to start Mommy and Me gymnastics next month which I’m sure will be quite an adventure, but its time to get Arwen involved in something too. The first photo is of Travis and Arwen, it was an early game, still my sweet husband had to go buy a hot dog from the concession stand because he felt bad for them as no one was buying anything.
Enjoy the basketball photos!
Its early...
Getting tired in the last period
Anya's turn to shoot
Anya watching someone else try with Coach Devon
Watching her teammate shoot
Anya trying really hard to dribble
Anya's Number 3 in the black, trying to help block
Beckham’s Bill is coming up! Let’s end the use of the gas chamber.
Join AVRAL – www.alabamavotesforanimals.org and write, call, or fax your legislative members for your area today! Find out who your legislative is http://www.legislature.state.al.us/ the legislative session begins March 1st.